Just to Get High
by UnstopableArcricVamp
Summary: Colab with JordanPatzCullen SongFic based on Just to Get High by Nickelback Jasper turns to drugs to ease the pain of feeling everyones emotions Edward,his twin and best friend does everything he can to save hime from himself Bella, who already loves Jazz, comes in can she save him or will she lose him forever in that alley in the middle of the night?M for drug references JXB EXA
1. Chapter 1 Best Friends

**A/N Hello my fabulous readers! Here's a new story for you called Just to Get High a colab with my best friend and Pre Reader of my other story, Remind Me. You can read this story on my account our on JordanPatzCullen's profile! Follow her too! Reviews make us smile and we appreciate every one!**

** Disclaimer: All characters belong to the wonderful Stephanie Meyer and because this is a songfic any similarities to the plot and some dialogue belong to Nickelback but the idea's are ours. We are NOT drug users; we just know how to use google so the facts in the fic may not be right but this is not an essay this is just used for entertainment purposes only. We plan on updating once a week after the first three or so chapters are published!**

** Feel free to to listen to Just to Get High by Nickelback to get a feel for the inspiration for this story. On with chapter 1, enjoy and see you at the bottom!**

**Best Friends**

**Edward's POV: **Fuck me, Monday morning already. Rolling over to grab my phone, to check it like the morning paper. It's plugged in lying on the table beside my bed, charging by the framed picture of me and him. We are lying on our stomachs playing our new PS3 we got for our birthday, both of us with smiles ear to ear. He is my best friend, Jasper, my twin brother. We are nothing alike though. He's all our Dad, Carlisle. He's got the same honey blond hair but Jasper's hair curls messily at the top of his head and Carlisle's same icy blue eyes. While I'm my momma's boy; I have her strait odd color of reddish bronze hair and her green eyes. Twenty minutes later I'm sitting in my Volvo waiting for Jasper to get his ass out here. Every day I wait for him and everyday we're late to school. Come on we only have a few more weeks of our senior year just one time in my life I'd like to be on time. I get that from Carlisle, I have to be early everywhere I go, take the same route every time and that just drives Jasper insane. Ten minutes pass and he finally slides into the leather seat wearing jeans and light gray t-shirt. He still has sleep in his eyes and the underneath of them still have dark circles, like he's had no sleep in the past three weeks.

"What took you so long?" I ask trying not to sound too pissed off.

"Nothing," He mutters under his breath avoiding eye contact with me because he knows what's coming next.

"Empty your pockets,"

"Fuck off."

"No. Empty them. Now," I look at him sternly, stopping at a red light and he gives in. He pulls out a green pipe out and I snatch it out of his hands. This is what he started with, weed.

"What the hell dude? You fucking promised! No more, remember that? You promised you'd quit!" I scream.

"Yeah, I did but it's getting worse Edward! I wake up and I don't want to move, I feel every one. This is the only way I can feel normal." He murmurs. I tried to help him, honestly I did, but he would trade anything just to end his suffering and I couldn't blame him. But I just couldn't lose him; I know it's not just weed he's going after. I've tried to convince him to try and get help; I mean our own father is a damn doctor.

"What else did you plan on doing today?" I ask, but he stays silent. "Tell me!" I holler.

"Black pearl,"

"Heroin again? Really Jasper, I can't fucking lose you, you're going to stop doing this," I shake the pipe in his face, "I will find a way to make you stop, even if it's the last fucking thing I do," I state calmly while slamming the car door to make my way inside the school, where I am greeted with a kiss on the cheek by my girl.

The way she has to stand on her very tippy toes to reach my face is way too adorable for me to handle so I bring my lips to hers. Her kiss takes the sting out of my pounding headache.

"Hey guys!" Bella walks through the front door of the school with Charlotte; Peter follows behind with his hand laced in hers. "Jasper not here today?" she questions while looking around me and Alice to find him.

"Uh yeah, but he might still be out in the car. We kind of got in a fight this morning." I explain.

"Oh," she says then trails off to her class as the first bell just rang. I know she has a thing for him, mostly because she told me how 'cute' and 'sweet' he was. I don't understand how she says that because most of the time lately he's just been a dick to anyone who looks at him. The way her eyes light up when his name leaves her mouth, and even though they don't talk and don't have the friendship Bella and I share, something about her makes his light up when he sees her.

The first two periods surprisingly fly in a blur and Jasper exits his class, that's directly across the hall from mine, at the same time.

"Hey!" I try to sound as cheery as possible hoping our fight has blown over. We walk to the lunch room together he still not speaking to me. Okay apparently I was wrong, he'll get over it though, he always does.

"I want my pipe back. I'm meeting James during lunch. I have every intention of getting high." He tells me when we break into my circle of friends. They're not really friends to him because he keeps to himself, staying away from everybody to avoid everyone's emotions. I'm the only one that knows about his curse and I am the only one who knows he's hard on drugs.

"No. I will not give it back," I state feeling the blood run to face in anger.

"Edward please! You don't know what this is like! I have everyone's anger, depression and anxiety pushed into me! I can't take it anymore; if a little weed makes me feel normal for even just a couple of minutes, that's what I'm going to do!" he pleads, turning around trying to stomp away. But I grab his forearm forcefully, stopping in his tracks.

"Hey! I get it okay, but you can't keep doing this. Please just let Dad help you!" I beg. But he shakes out of my grasp and stomps out of the school.

I'm pinching the bridge of my nose when Bella and Alice walk up. Alice grabs my hand and Bella doesn't say anything because I'm sure she just witnessed our fight and she wants to chase after him, make it all better. I really wish she wasn't so caring; he's not right for her she'll only walk away broken. I spend lunch with Alice in my lap and I try to seem as normal as possible. I laugh when everyone laughs throw in a couple yeah's and sure's to prove I'm listening. Jasper and I fight all the time recently and I know it's because of the drugs; I just want my brother back, my best friend. I know he'll just blow it off and come back for last hour American History, but when he doesn't show even Bella is concerned. We're studying the Civil War right now, his favorite subject; I don't understand why he's not here. I feel that half of my heart dedicated to my family crack a little deeper because I know I am already losing him.

After the bell finally rings letting this fuckery of a day end, I wait in my car for an hour to wait for Jasper to show, but he never does. I drive home alone blaring Five Finger Death Punch, my own dose of anger music. Entering the house, the over powering scent of my mother's pot roast wafts into my nose.

"Hi honey! How was school?" She asks just like every other day.

"Good, I think." I offer a smile.

"Is your brother still out in the car?" she enquires.

"Um, no he actually went home with a couple of friends; he asked me to tell you when I got home that he wouldn't be home for dinner," I say covering for him. I hate lying to my mom but what else can I do? I tell them what he's really doing and I have betrayed him and lost all my trust he as in anyone. He needs someone or he just might go and, yeah, can't even think about that.

"Okay," she chimes off into the kitchen to start making homemade bread. With Carlisle's busy schedule, Monday and Saturday nights are generally the only ones we have family dinners.

I sit in my room, still with anger music playing, to do my homework and exchanging texts with Alice until dinner is ready.

"Edward! Carlisle! Dinner is ready!" Esme hollers up the stairs, I meet Carlisle in the hallway as he exits his office. Once at the table we all join hands and Carlisle leads our family in thanking the Lord for everything we have and reminds Him how much we all need each other.

"Amen." We all say in unison and start digging in. Dinner goes smoothly as always. We talk about our jobs, my grades and no one is worrying about Jasper but me. He does such a good job of hiding everything they don't suspect anything is wrong. Esme over cooks as always, she makes enough to feed an army almost every meal, but everything is delicious.

After dinner, I help with the dishes and take a shower. I step into the steaming water and wash my body slowly. I slide down the wall of the shower until I'm sitting with my head between my knees; I close my eyes and let the too hot water pour down my back. My head is throbbing with thoughts about Jasper. I know snorting the heroin hasn't been cutting it lately and he's going to try shooting up. I can almost live with him just doing the weed but heroin will fuck you up; I just couldn't live with myself if something happened to him and I didn't say anything. I sit there until the water runs cold and even after that I still sit there longer. I get dressed in my black wife beater and sweats and call Bella.

"Hello?" she answers.

"Hey," I try to mask the fact I am about to break down. "Um, have you seen Jasper?"

"No. I haven't seen him since lunch," the phone goes silent. "Bella?" but the only thing I hear is a faint whisper.

"Jasper?" her voice asks nervously.

"Wait, did you find him?" I scream. But she doesn't answer that question.

"Tell me what you know, tell me what you've gone and done, Edward!" She screams back at me. I open my mouth to beg for answers. But the phone is silent. Where is she? Where is he? Is he okay? I call back but her phone goes straight to her happy voiced voicemail. I try again and again until my phone dies. I plug it in and go downstairs to see my dad in watching the football game, or Pack Ball as Carlisle likes to call it. He's changed into his Packers t-shirt and sweats as well. I look everywhere for Carlisle's phone so I can keep trying Bella's phones but every time its voice mail. I call Jasper for the millionth time this night and his goes to voicemail, too. Jasper still isn't home even Esme starts to worry.

"Who did you say Jasper was with?" She asks he never misses his ten o'clock curfew.

"Peter, I think," I answer pulling the most random name out of my head. Right then the home phone rings and Esme answers. The little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up and there's an eerie feeling in the air. It's too late for anyone to be calling us; even Alice wouldn't call this late. I'm holding my breath as she answers the phone.

"Hello?" Through the static of the phone I can still make out what the man is saying on the other line.

"Mrs. Cullen? Yeah, we have your son here in Forks Memorial Hospital you need to get down here right away."

**A/N Sooo what did you think? Leave me a little love with a review and I'll send you a teaser of the next chapter. I admit I am a bit of a review whore but I don't need them to compleat my works but reviews inspire me to keep writing and not give up! And if anyone wants to make us a banner let us know!**


	2. Chapter 2 Tell Me What You Know

**A/N Okay chapter 2! Just want to say nothing makes my day when I get an email from one of you following, favoriting or reviewing a chapter! Sometimes I really just want to stop because of my writers block, but your questions and comments keep us going! So thanks for all your help! Get the tissue box close! That's all I'm going to say see you at the bottom! **

**Chapter 2**

**Tell Me What You Know**

**Bella's POV: **I'm laughing with my best friend, Alice, as we exit Mr. Varner's useless calculus class. We trot to lunch quickly to meet with Edward, Peter and Char. Breaking into the lunch room I see his honey blond curls from across the room. My heart skips a beat. He's shaking his head and his eyebrows are scrunched in furry as he and Edward take turns yelling at each other. He attempts to stomp off but Edward stops him for only a second. Jasper stomps off and as he leaves he brushes up against my shoulders with some force as he's walking angrily, and a million sparks radiate through my body. I just want to grab his arm and pull him into my chest to play with his hair to calm him down, but he doesn't even know I exist. The rest of lunch goes as normal and despite the fight Edward had with Jasper, he doesn't seem too upset about it.

Third hour drags as I am anticipating sitting behind Jasper in American History, and with any kind of luck we'll have a group project and he'll be my partner. But when he doesn't show I grow concerned. He has never once missed a history class; he's kind of a nerd about the Civil War, what we're learning now, and he's not here. But I don't care if he is a history nut, it's kind of cute. Fearing I'm starting to think like an obsessed, crazy girlfriend I blow his absence off. After fourth hour literally drags on forever the bell finally rings and because my crappy old truck is in the shop, my older teddy bear of a brother Emmett, picks me up in his police car. He followed in our father, Charlie's, footsteps. But I plan on going into nursing. Once home, I quickly change into my brown khaki's and green polo and stuff an Evanescence t-shirt and yoga pants into by school bag and head to work my shift at the dinner.

With my shift completed, I change into my new clothes and drive Emmett's Jeep to my EMT training at the Forks Fire Station. I'm trying to get as ahead as possible so when I attend University of Seattle this fall I'll be at the top of my class. I sit down in a desk and pull out my notes to study for our final test. If I pass I'll be a fully certified EMT. Funny how classes fly by when it's something you care about, like history, only when a certain someone is sitting in front of you. Why? Why am I thinking about Jasper again? I carefully stuff all my notebooks and pencils into my bag for the end of the night.

I leave the building stressing about the test so much my hands are sweating; the only thing that stops me from having an anxiety attack is visions of Jasper's face floating around in my mind. I have this really strange urge to walk down the sidewalk along campus. Before I know what I am doing, my feet are dragging me forward. All though I try to stop, I can't. My phone starts to ring and Edward's goofy picture pops up with his ringtone.

"Hello?" I ask with a hint of confusion. It's a little late for him to be calling me; he's not usually a big phone guy.

"Hey?" He asks nervously. "Um, have you seen Jasper lately?"

"No. Not since lunch," I say as I am walking past an ally and the corner of my eye shoots down it. There he sits, perfect like an angle. I run as fast as I can to him, tripping often but never falling to the ground. "Jasper?" I whisper.

"Wait did you find him?" Edward screams. But it's like I didn't even hear him. There he lays, my Jasper with a face full of peace and a needle in his arm, the sweat on his forehead has matted his honey blond curls down to his face.

"Tell me what you know, tell me what you've gone and done, Edward!" I chant but no answer is soon enough so I throw my phone across the ally and it literally explodes on impact. I run my hand through his sweat dampened hair and start crying, fearing for the worse.

"No, Jasper, no," I sob. I grab his wrist placing two fingers on his wrists and wait. Nothing. "No!" I open his mouth and immediately start pushing my oxygen into his mouth. I come up and start pounding on his chest. One. Two. Three. More air. One. Two. Three. I check his pulse again. Still nothing. "Come on!" I scream with a sob escaping out of my lips. Red and blue lights flash down the alley and park in front of me and Jasper. At this point I have pulled him into my arms and I have pushed his head into the crook of my neck and I am playing with his hair as the tears stream down my cheek one by one.

"Bells?" Emmett shouts as he exits the cruiser and my dad not too far behind.

"Save him!" I cry.

"An ambulance is on the way. Are you okay?" Charlie asks full of worry.

"Yeah I am fine, but….Jasper… I don't… know… Daddy… Save… him," I stutter.

"He'll be okay, Bells." Emmett says but the tone in his voice really isn't that convincing. The ambulance quickly arrives as promised by Charlie and two medics load him in on a stretcher; I ride in the ambulance with him. I'm not leaving, call me creepy but I refuse to let him go. One of the medics named Jacob removes the empty needle from Jasper's arm. They push oxygen into his nose, hook him up to heart monitors, and charge the paddles. I grab his hand that's still warm, that's a good sign right? "Come on Jasper, don't leave me!" I cry pulling his hand up to my face.

"Clear!" Jacob speaks. Jasper's body jumps off the table but the monitor shows a heartbeat. It's unsteady, but it's there. We get to the hospital and the medics force me to join the waiting room with Jasper's awaiting family.

"I'm not leaving him." I voice sternly.

"Sweetie, you have to, I'm sorry," Jacob says, his gentle brown eyes are comforting but not enough to calm this panic in my heart.

"No!" I scream as I notice the heart monitor goes out again. The other medic drags me to the waiting room, kicking and screaming. Sure enough there's Edward, Alice and Dr. Cullen and his wife. Esme has tears just pouring down her face and Dr. Cullen is just standing there like a statue in full shock. I pry Edward away from Alice's clinging hug into a hallway nearby.

"Tell me what you know! Tell me what you've gone and done!" I cry tears just streaming down my face as I blame him, shoving him into the wall with such force I'm afraid the wall is going to cave in. "I saw your fight…. Tell me!" And with that I just collapse into his chest and break down crying. Alice may be my best friend, but there is just something about Edward that makes me feel safe. We've been friends for ever to the point where he's my brother. I feel like my soul is pouring out of my eyes onto his wife beater. My heart as literally been ripped out of my chest, I am in so much pain that I turn my head and throw up all over the tile. Edward doesn't give a shit though. He uses his shirt to wipe my mouth and pulls me back in so tight that he could break me in half but that's where I don't care.

"I'm sorry, Edward," I sob so hard I feel the need to throw up again, but I pet the back of Edward's head while he plays with my hair.

"It'll be okay; he'll be okay," He says. I feel his tears fall down onto my t-shirt and soon we're both shaking hard.

"Trying to convince me or you," I try to smile.

"Both," He tries to smile back. We stand there for what seems like hours just clinging onto each other for dear life, shaking and sobbing.

"But I can still remember what his face looked like, when I found him in an alley in the middle of the night," I mummer into his chest trying not to close my eyes as I cry because I'll see Jasper's broken face.

"Dr. Cullen?" a new voice pops in. Edward and I run into the waiting room to hear what the doctor has to say about Jasper. He takes a deep breath before delivering the news, but I can't take it anymore. I burst through the doctors only doors, many nurses and doctors try to stop me, but I just keep running searching frantically for Jasper. I see him at the end cot with the curtain partially open. I run full on sprint in to the room and grab is hand in a second.

"Everything is going to be okay, Jasper. Everything is going to be okay." I chant trying to convince the both of us.

**A/N: Let me paint you a little picture. Here we sit, me and JordanPatzCullen in my room writing this. Both of us cuddling my pillow pet with tears just streaming down our faces because this is just so hard for us to write Jasper in this much pain! But what did you think? Chapters will become more regular after the next one is posted. Leave me a little love with a review and I'll send you a teaser of the next chapter!**


	3. Chapter 3 Gonna Do the Trick

**A/N Okay my lovelies! I just want to say thanks to everyone who s viewing this and reviewing, favoring or following! It really makes my day when I get an email from FanFiction saying someone added me or my one of my stories so thank you! **

**Did you all have a great Christmas or holiday? I got a new laptop! So hopefully I can write more because I wont have to share with my family! What y'all get? Anything exciting?**

**Mentions of Chris Young's song Tomorrow are in this chapter so all rights belong to him; I recommend you listen to the song so you can hear the emotion beyond the words and it's one of my favorite songs!**

**I hope you have some left over tissues from last chapter handy for this chapter! Mentions of suicide and drug use in this chapter so if this bothers you stop reading here. **

**On with chapter 3, enjoy and see you at the bottom! P.S. If anyone would like to make us a banner please message or review me! Any review gets a teaser of the next chapter!**

**Chapter 3**

**Gonna Do the Trick**

**Jasper's POV: **Fuck, my head is pounding. What the fuck is that beeping? Someone make it stop. I didn't even realize someone was holding my hand until the warmth of it squeezed around it tighter. I feel amazingly safe right now and I don't understand; I'm only feeling hope in the room of where ever I am at. Not anger. Not sorrow. Not sadness. Not happiness. Just hope. Everything goes black again and when I open my eyes I'm in an alley. The dark brick walls surround me, secluding me from everything but I still feel it. I'm holding the syringe of heroin in my right hand. This will do the trick. This is strong enough to kill me and take me away from this hell. I can't live with this anymore. Every emotion anyone has ever felt comes straight to me.

It started when I was thirteen years old. I'd notice I was happy one second then the next angry and it all depended on who I was with. I learned to stay away from people to help ease the anger. Most the time I feel pain and anger. As I got older the emotions came in stronger and I when I was 15 I befriended James, he offered me my first joint. Every emotion blew straight out of my body and I didn't feel anything. For once in my life I felt nothing. More years went by and weed didn't cut it anymore so I turned to heroine. I've been snorting it for only a couple of months and it's just not doing the trick, it just seems I can't reach that high; I still feel everyone's emotions. I'm done, no more pain. I need to reach that high that you get the very first time you do it, that feeling of euphoria, it's all I think about anymore. I've been told that when snorting doesn't work anymore, you're supposed to go to the needle. The emotions are so strong anymore that I can't even move my body anymore. Nothing helps.

Edward is the only person I have ever told about this curse and my use of drugs. Although he tries to help, most of the time he just makes it worse because I can feel his fear and disappointment in me anytime he catches me with my pipe. Everyone will just be better off without me. I push the needle in my arm and inject the drug. Gonna do the trick, gonna get over it. The drug cuts through my veins like broken glass and then lights on fire, the feeling of the needle piercing my skin sets off a whole other notorious high adding a whole other addiction. I need more. When I'm on the high I've been desperately waiting for, every thought is gone and I feel myself getting week. Nothing is a beautiful thing. I can hear people walking down the street but the only thing I feel is my heart beats slowing down and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. Finally almost over, I'm begging for sweet relief. I can't keep my eyelids open anymore; I give up the fight and close them, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel everything is over, no more pain, and no more anger. Nothing. Everything is black and I am in complete harmony and peace.

The beeping comes back and I hear muffled crying from afar. I think my Dad is here and is yelling at someone? Who he's talking to yells back. Edward? Where the fuck am I? I'm starting to panic, I'm feeling fear and anger all over in my body and I can't stop it. Beeping grows faster and impatient. The same person squeezes my hand and that overwhelming sensation of hope wraps around my heart. What the fuck is that? I try has hard as I can to squeeze the hand back but only a little squeeze is all I have to offer. The person shuffles to the edge of the chair and gives me another squeeze so I try again. The hope fills my heart so much that I'm so scared I could shit my pants. What is this?

My eyelids finally flutter open and I am greeted by Bella, I'm surprised that she's here with me, wherever it is that I am. Her brown eyes are soft and caring but red and puffy like she's been crying. The underneath of her eyes are black from the dripping mascara from her eyelashes. Why is she here and why is she so upset? This can't be because of me; we don't even know each other that well. I have the unbearable urge to grab her into this bed I am laying in to comfort her. I don't talk to her very often. Just the usual 'hey' or 'how's it going' but for some reason I'm feeling safe and secure with her eyes locked into mine. Why do her tears cut through me like a knife?

"How are you feeling, cowboy?" she whispers so low I can barely hear her. Her lips pull at the corners just a little bit and then I realize she's the one who has been holding my hand this whole time. It feels so perfect locked into mine. Her warmth reminds me just how cold I am.

"Cold," I don't even recognize my own voice. It comes out scratchy and low. She flies out of the chair she was sitting in and grabs the blanket behind the chair. She's wearing yoga pants with a pink band and an Evanescence t-shirt. Bella's brown hair has been pulled up high on the top of her head into a bun. Strands of hair pool out of the bun to surround her face.

Movement in the corner of my eye catches and Esme walks towards me with a blanket of her own. I try to reach out towards her but my hand ways a million pounds.

"Don't move, honey." She cries noticing my struggles. Her eyes are puffy and red too.

"Here you go," Bella lays the blanket over me and a tear escapes from her eye. I lift my arm, despite how much it hurts, to her face and wipe the tear from her cheek with the pad of my thumb. The painful pulling in my arm from the IV that someone stuck into it still doesn't stop me from reaching up to her. I need to comfort her.

"Don't cry." The imposter voices scratches out.

The door opens and Edward and Carlisle walk in. Both of them whipping tears out of their eyes as well. The fear and anger from my dad seep into my heart and the anxiety starts to race, but Bella grabs my hand again and the hope returns. How does she do that?

"Ed...w...ar...d" my voice stammers. He runs towards me and falls to his knees to break down sobbing in front of me and I can't stop him.

"My fault…my fault…" He mutters at the side of my bed.

"Can we have a few minutes?" I ask my voice shaky and week. Carlisle nods while grabbing Esme's hand to pull out of the room. Bella gets up and starts walking towards the door I squeeze her hand pulling her back to me, "No, you stay." I command. She stops dead in her tracks and locks her comforting brown eyes to mine again.

"Edward?" I ask his name carefully.

"Why, Jasper, why, just why?" He cries. "I told you I can't fucking lose you! Do you fucking know how close I came today to loosing you, Jazz? Do you fucking know? Do you!" He screams throwing his head in his hands and I feel every ounce of fear and disappointment pour out of him and the cracks in my heart deepen further. I fear for the day it just completely breaks in half.

"I don't know what to do." I whisper. "I can't turn it off, Edward, it's my only option. I want to die. That was my plan for tonight." I confess.

"No!" Edward and Bella both cry together. She breaks down and falls to the ground on her knees.

"No, Jazz, no you're all I've got. Dad is going to help you!" he speaks through his sobs.

"I'm so sick of this Edward; I'm not even me anymore! I only feel what everyone else is feeling. At least in the after world I can be me again!" I start to feel my own tears boil to the surface.

"Let me help you!" He pleads.

"Me too! I get we don't know each other well, but I can't leave you! I found you in that alley Jasper, I couldn't let you go! Let us help you, please! Please!" She whips tears off of her checks as she speaks, but she can't keep up they are all falling just too fast.

"Don't cry," I plead. I know I am the cause of the pain she is experiencing. I can't leave her either. I need to make her stop, her tears edge my heart to the danger zone of breaking and I don't understand how she can sway these feelings so much.

"Edward," I reach out and place my hand on his shoulder, trying to sooth the pain I caused but his anger and depression only seeps through to me stronger than possible.

"What?" He shakily asks looking at me. His eyes puffier than I've ever seen them and bright red; he has tears stained all the way down his cheeks and fresh ones spilling over his eyes. I've only seen him cry once, when Grandpa died, that's it. I'm not used to this, he's the big brother he soothes me and I'm not used to being on this side of the problem.

"I'm sorry," I squeeze his shoulder. If only the drugs would have taken me away I wouldn't have to face him now. I can't even promise him I won't shoot up again because I can't make that promise; I can't keep it and I wish I could because I hate doing this to him.

"Jazz, we may have friends surrounding us but you're all I fucking have your all I've ever had. Remember that time when mom and dad we're separated for those couple of months and we hid out in our tree house that entire time? We ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for every meal and rode our bikes to school together. We slept up there and never went in the house. We got through that together because we were so afraid if mom and dad could break their bond so could we. If you're gone who am I going to do that with?" He cries and I didn't even notice Bella had crawled over to him and placed her small hand on his thigh, trying to comfort him.

"What about me? I need my history partner, too." She tries to smile but instead another tear trickles down her check. There's something about her, something different. She smiles and my whole world lights up, she smiles and nothing else matters. I feel only her. But when she cries, it's the strongest emotion I've ever felt. It seeps through my soul and into my heart so strong it just puts me down, I just can't fucking deal with her tears.

"Edward, she's different," I start. He looks up to me, his eyes still red and puffy. "She's here and I barley feel you. It's all her." Bella looks at me then Edward than back to me with confusion in her eyes. I grab her hand and I feel safe. "See? Just like that everything goes away." I think out loud. "I don't get it."

"Maybe your just in shock? I'm sure it's nothing." Edward says while looking down avoiding my eye contact; I'm sure he doesn't want me to see him break down. I drop her hand and Edward's fear and sadness seeps through the barrier.

"No," I insist. "She smiles and it over comes everything; she cries and somebody might as well of ripped my heart through my chest." I feel the anxiety taking over my body and I grab her hand again and everything is gone. No fear, no anger just hope. "It's stronger when we're touching though."

"What's going on?" Bella cries. I have no idea why but I don't want to tell her how fucked up I am because I fear I'll lose her, and I just can't fucking loose her and that scares the shit out of me. But I want her to know, she can help me.

"I can feel everyone's emotions; yours are the strongest I don't understand. I've never felt anything but anger and fear. You're different I feel hope when you're around," I spill all in one breath, my eyes locked into her comforting brown eyes. She says nothing and just nods so I continue. "Any emotion anyone has ever had it goes straight to me and tonight I was just done dealing with it. I need to make it stop. I want to be me again. You make that happen."

"Why me?"

"I don't know but it scares the shit out of me," I state.

"Look, I'm just going to lay my cards out here. I like you, like a lot and for a really long time, Jasper," She admits, looking down to hide the fact her blood has run to her checks. "I almost lost you today and that scares the shit out of me."

"I don't want you to leave," I confess.

"I don't want to go," she states locking her eyes back to mine.

"Um, I'm going to get mom and dad, I'm sure they're pounding at the doors." Edward reminds me before leaving the room. But he sounded muffled and everything blurred away. I realize I am still holding her hand and she's rubbing the top of my hand with her thumb so I copy her motions to her. I'm completely surrounded by hope and I'm scared that when she leaves I'll be in that dark hole again.

"Help me," I close my eyes and whisper. "I want to be a strong man; I want to be the man a mirror likes to see. God, I'm asking you to change me into the man I want to be." I plead. She opens her mouth to say something but Carlisle, Esme and Edward walk in.

"Sweetie, its way past one in the morning, maybe you should go home and get some rest. I'm sure your dad is starting to worry about you." Esme spoke to Bella while sitting in the chair by my bed and grabbing my other hand.

"Okay Mrs. Cullen," she agrees. Bella pulls herself up of the ground and pulls Edward into a tight hug. "He's okay, don't beat yourself up." She whispered into his ear trying to comfort him. I really hate myself for putting him through this. She walks over to me grabbing my hand again. "Don't you dare fucking think about leaving me," she sternly voices. She leans down and crushes her lips to mine. I kiss her back with so much passion that I don't even understand this new feeling of euphoria that I couldn't even reach with the drugs. Even the strongest brand of heroine can't save me like she can. What is this feeling and why do I feel like I just met God?

**A/N My poor Jasper and my poor heart broken Edward! Will they ever be the same? Jasper's really crazed by this whole hope thing and for some reason he trusts Bella with everything he is. Could this be love? Possibly! Haha! More to come from Bella next chapter witch should be up sometime next week! In the mean time if your looking for something else to read, check out my other story, Remind Me here's the summery!**

**Remind Me**

**Jasper has had it with Edward and despite how much he loves Carlisle and Esme as his parents he runs away to the Whitlock ranch to live with his baby brother Peter and his girl Charolett. Everyone is living in peace except Bella who his raising Edward's child alone because the whole family left because of Edward's sudden need to visit Italy. For three years none of the Cullen's know about Bella and the baby until Char relieves the past and sees them. Jasper angrily goes back to Forks to change Bella into a vampire to save her from the Volturi but he got more than he ever expected: the love of a singer. M for language and lemons. JXB EXR CXE All vampires! Romance/Supernatural/ tiny bit of angst**


	4. Chapter 4 Savior

**A/N Well hello there! I know, I know it's been a while since I've updated this but I haven't really been in the mood to write such depressing work, I've been in such a good mood lately that its hard to write a broken Jasper! But I thought today I would give you all chapter four! Thanks for all my amazing flowers and reviewers you guys really keep me going anyway see you at the bottom! :D**

**Chapter 4**

**Savior**

**Bella's POV:**As I walk to Emmett's Jeep I touch my lips with my cool fingers to sooth the sting from our kiss. Our lips touched and I floated off the ground, no one was there anymore. I've dreamt of this moment forever and I have no regrets I just hate the circumstances that brought me to do it. Now that I have I notice a subtle pull in my chest as I walk further away from him. Once in the truck I pull Emmett's hoodie from the back seat and tug it over my head. The arms are way too long and I am literally sinking in this jacket but it has the most comforting smell in the world, the smell of my big teddy bear. I'm much in need of my big brother right now. While I'm driving I sink deep into the hoodie and my mind starts thinking about what would have happened if I hadn't found him. Would he lay there forever with no savior? Will he ever find the peace he needed? As I'm driving the pull in my chest turns to pain. I desperately need him. The tears have yet to stop and now they're falling so hard I can't see the road. I blink them away but they return. I will be is savior. I need to get a hold of myself, be strong for Jasper. I'm different, I'll be there for him for every second through recovery and why he figures out what the emotion thing is. I'll be the best damn savior for him until he wants me to leave.

I pull into the drive way parking by Emmett's girlfriend's red BMW. They've been together since the ninth grade and she's just become my sister overnight. The Pioneer stereo Em installed in is truck informs me that it's just after two in the morning. I sit in the Jeep for twenty minutes trying to get myself to calm down before I face my family. I'm not crying any more, think I've cried myself out of tears. But I am still hyperventilating. I am just so scared that I'm going to lose him. Yes, he's okay now but tell that to my heart. It's physically painful to be away from him and I don't understand it. I take my iPod out of my backpack and leave the bag in the Jeep. I'm over reacting to this Jasper thing more than I should for just a school girl crush. But when we lock eyes, I swear he feels the same thing, it's like we were born only for each other. Our kiss confirmed it. I finally convince myself to go inside. Em is laying on the couch with Rosalie laying on top of him; he's holding her while they sleep. Charlie is fast asleep in his chair and every light in the house is on. In the kitchen half of a pizza lay in its box on the kitchen table. I turn all the lights of and kiss my dad and Emmett on the cheek before going up stairs to the shower.

I turn the shower on extra hot and look at myself in the mirror to pull the bobby pins and ponytail out of my hair I notice that I look like shit. My eyes are puffy and my bright red cheeks are stained with dry tears. I need music. I dig my iPod out of the hoodie pocket and plug it into the speakers sitting on the counter. I take the contacts out of my eyes and put them in their case.

"Sweet music take this pain away," I mummer and press play on Cold by Aqualung and Lucy Schwartz. Really not the best song to get my mind off of Jasper but I sing along with her anyway until I calm down a little bit. "Crimson and bare as I stand, yours completely, yours as go over. Sing for the lion and lamb they're hearts are hunting, still hunts for hope. Ever and ever. Ever. Cold, cold." I sing sniffling. The pain grows stronger with every passing minute. I need him, does he need me? Or am I just crazy? Stepping out I dry myself and lay in my bed letting the stack of blankets crush my body. I think exhaustion finally takes over to the point where sweet sleep takes over around four in the morning. I jump out of my bed two hours later due to my alarm clock. "I'm up!" I growl ripping the clock out of the wall and throwing it across the room. I push myself up so I can lean against the wall. I reach over to grab my glasses and I slide them up the bridge of my nose. I stretch over to grab my phone but I realize I threw it in that alley in the middle of the night. I see his limp body in my mind and the pull in my chest is so powerful that I can hardly move but I need to be strong for him. Tears start boiling over my eye lids again. I blink them out of the way and take a deep cleansing breath and they don't completely fall.

Convincing myself I am strong enough to stay together I go downstairs still in my pajamas, I have no intention of getting out of my sweats today. I pull my hair out of my face in a big knot on the top of my head with the hair tie that was on my wrist.

"Morning Bells," Emmett welcomes with Rose sitting by him on the couch warming her hands with a mug of coffee.

"Hey," I answer but my voice is scratchy. Em gets off the couch and walks over to me. I finally loose the battle with my stubborn tears and one of them trickles down my cheek. Before I can stop it he pushes the fresh tear off of my cheek and then takes me into a tight embrace.

"Look, he's fine Bells. If you didn't find him he would be gone. You're seriously a hero, his savior," He says while cradling me. But his comforting embrace is not enough to sooth the pain in my chest. Only Jasper.

"But I still remember what his face looked like when I found him in an alley in the middle of the night. I thought he was… I thought…" I stammer off, sobs escaping my mouth.

"Don't say it. Don't think about it. He's not. He's here and he's okay." He kisses the top of my head. I try to open my mouth, but no words come out so I just nod accepting the fact he is right and Jasper is okay.

"Where's dad?" I ask finally finding my voice.

"Already off to work. He had an early shift he couldn't get out of. He told me to tell you to stay home; I'll call you in from school." He answers.

"Okay," I sniff. I am overly thankful I don't have to face people today, I just couldn't do it. I head to my room when Rose stops me.

"You should try to eat," she says quietly.

"Not hungry," I answer and head back to my room. I slip into my bed when my house phone starts ringing. Growling, I throw pillows over my head and close my eyes but he's there. Someone knocks on my bedroom door and then comes in. They pull the pillow off my head and it's Emmett. He gives me the phone.

"It's Alice," He whispers covering the phone. I nod and take it from him.

"Hello?" I answer trying to cover up the tears that were earlier escaping my eyes. But I can't hide anything from Alice.

"You're crying," she states.

"Yeah. What do you need?" I snap.

"I just wanted to see how Jasper was doing, how you are doing. Your phone goes straight to voice mail every time I call it."

"Well, I lost my phone. I feel like my heart as completely cracked in half. He's still in the hospital though. I just wish he was home and not in pain." I mumble. "I want to comfort him; I want to be there with him right now. This is not his fault he just needs help." I vent.

"Are you going to go see him?" She asks.

"Yes!" I scream before I thought about it. "I mean I'm not going to school and I can't sleep. I thought I'd go see him." I backtrack. She knows how I feel about him but I never told her how much I liked him, how much I desperately need him.

"Oh, okay. If you see Edward will you tell him to call me or something? He hasn't been answering my calls or texts. I need to make sure he's okay."

"Yeah, I'll tell him."

"Call me later, okay?" she asks.

"Sure," I say then hang up. I'm really not in the mood to talk. I just need to go to the hospital, wrap Jasper in my arms and make sure he's okay the pain is just too much. I can't take it anymore.

I get up and go to my bathroom to get Emmett's Jeep keys off of my counter and go downstairs.

"I'll be back. I need to go see Jazz," I tell Em before leaving. I don't even change out of my sweats or put my contacts in. I never leave my house with my glasses on but I don't care what I look like. I only want Jasper. Staring the truck I realize what I had just said. I need to go see _Jazz. _Edward is the only one who ever called him that. While it is true, I need to go see him, I'd never admit that to anyone. I need to see him like the air I need to breathe. It seems like hours before I reach the hospital's parking lot. I actually run inside to the front counter.

"Can you tell me what room a patient is in?" I ask the lady with tears in my eyes. It hurts to be away from him for this long. It physically hurts. I don't know what room he's in because they took him out of the ER after I left last night.

"What's the name?" she asks with a comforting tone. But the only one who can help is Jasper. I need him to ease this pain; I need to make sure he's okay.

"Jasper Cullen," I plead. She types his name into the computer slowly and the pain in my chest is growing stronger and stronger, so overpowering I just can't take it anymore.

"Cullen? Like Dr. Cullen's son?" she comes to realize who he is.

"Yes," come on lady I need him; he needs me. This is not time for twenty questions. I don't have time for this shit; just tell me where he is.

"He doesn't want anyone up there, but from the tears in your eyes I can tell you know the family. Maybe I can call him down here and you can talk to him?" she suggests.

"Please, my name is Bella." I state. She nods and steps into the glassed off office.

"He's in room 197. Dr. Cullen said to go up," she says offering a smile.

"Okay, thank you so much." I skip the elevator and run up two flights up stairs and down the hallway until I'm at the door of his room. I stop for a second with my hand on the door knob to catch my breath and then I step in. Carlisle and Esme are surprisingly not in the room but Edward is curled in a ball in the corner of the room with a blanket draped over him and a pillow tucked under his head. Even in is sleep his forehead is crinkled in worry. Jasper has his back towards the door and his body his shaking. I run up to him and before I know what I am doing I place my hand on his back in between is shoulder blades.

"Jasper?" I whisper but he doesn't move. Keeping my hand on his back I walk to the other side of the bed and push his honey blond curls out of his face. He has ear buds in his ears and now I can hear the music. He's blasting some form of angry music with a lot of bass and drums. I play with his hair longer and his shaking cools down. A few minutes later he finally opens his eyes. His icy blue eyes pour into my soul and just like that the pain from the pull in my chest is gone. I am complete but then I notice he's been crying.

"Bella?" he cries.

"Oh, Jasper," say whipping his tears off his face, prickly from his blond stubble. I take the ear buds out of his ears gently and grab the stool from behind me so I can sit right at his bed side. The pain returns from his broken face and falling tears.

"Shh." I coo while rubbing the underneath of his eyes.

"You came back," he states.

"Always, I will be here for as long as you need me cowboy." I confess.

"It hurts," he closes his eyes and whispers.

"What! What hurts?" I ask panicked.

"When you're not here." Jasper admits.

"When you're not with me, it hurts too. So bad, Jasper. When I came here today it hurt so bad I could hardly move. But had to come make sure you were doing better." I acknowledge.

"I'm better now that you're here." He murmurs as his eyelids flutter open.

"Me too," I grab his hand to hold it close to my face and close my eyes. Everything is gone; it's just me and him.

"Nothing," he sighs. I open my eyes and his are closed; he has a smile on his face which brings a smile to my face.

"Nothing," I agree for some reason knowing completely what he means.

"Come here?" he asks he opens his eyes and his arms inviting me in.

"Are you sure?" I don't want to hurt him.

"Yes, I desperately need you as close to me as I can have you." He confesses. So I'm not crazy; he needs me to. He carefully scoot over in the bed making room for me. I crawl on to the bed and he helps pull me up. I lay on my stomach with my head resting on his chest. Jasper takes my glasses off and sits them on the table next to the bed and he wraps his muscular arms around my body to hold me tight. I'm in my own little perfect blissful piece of heaven.

"So good," he whispers into my ear then brushes his lips through my hair.

He played with my hair until his breathing evened, sleep took him over. I stayed in his hold on top of him until I fell asleep on his chest. The pain is completely gone. I'm never leaving him again.

**A/N well there ya go! What'd ya think? Leave me a little love with a review if you want and until the next update, thanks for reading!**


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